What Do I Like and Dislike about Being a Transgender Female?

My first thought was "everything" to both questions.

That's not strictly true of course, but if I sit and think honestly about it, there's plenty on both sides of the page.

What do I dislike about being a trans woman?

I've been extremely fortunate being able to transition to the point where I am today. Access to hormones, facial feminisation, breast, butt and gender-affirming surgery — all within three and a half years of making the decision. I know that I'm a very lucky cow.

And yet. Because of my age, my pre-transition build and decades of testosterone doing its work, I still often see a male when I look in the mirror or at a photograph. I don't feel confident stepping outside without make-up (my mask) and even then I'm very conscious of still how masculine my face looks. I'm almost six foot tall, with the old me's tattoos, slim hips and no real feminine definition to my shape, despite some silicone help. My legs don't look the way I'd like them to. My feet are a size eight (yeah, could be worse). My skin isn't as soft as I'd want it to be. These are things I struggle with.

My voice, whilst not particularly deep, still sounds male. If I speak on the phone, I'll get "yes sir" down the line. Fixing that means having my vocal cords cut and shortened, plus professional voice training — neither of which is a small thing.

I still have facial hair. Because I'm fair-skinned with a light to grey beard, laser hasn't worked, which leaves electrolysis as the only option — it's painful, expensive and measured in years rather than months. You have to leave the area that's going to be treated growing for about four days and even with make-up, that's impossible to cover up. I find this particularly distressing.

Then there are the financial costs of everything across the board, at my age — money that should have gone towards the retirement pot. The recovery time after procedures, the physical pain and the patience required between each one to let your body catch up with your plans.

And of course the things no procedure can touch. Never being a mum. Not experiencing the parts of womanhood that come from birth — periods, the menopause, all of it.

The constant, low-level fear of being misgendered, harrassed, outed or ridiculed in public, even quietly, behind my back. Really I shouldn't give a shit, it's their problem not mine. I can't help it, I just do sometimes.

Finally and don't even get me started, the change in UK law that dictates I should 'man up' and totter into a men's loo, heels n all, when I need a pee. Seriously.

There's a lot in that list. And finally even the word "transgender" — it's a label I have to carry, a constant reminder that my journey to womanhood wasn't the same as everyone else's.

Some days I don't think about any of those things, others I do — even if only for a minute.

What do I like about being a trans woman?

Enough of that, now the good stuff...

It's been a long, emotionally and physically painful journey that's impacted those closest to me just as much as it has me. But the feeling of finally being the real me makes it worth every bit of it. And yeah I know part of that makes me appear selfish.

I used to enjoy the gym. Now my favourite pastime is shopping — mooching around charity shops for a bargain dress or handbag, or losing an hour with an online retailer.

Make-up I can't leave the house without, but I take genuine pleasure in experimenting with it. Different shades, different looks. It makes me feel feminine in a way I spent a very long time waiting to feel.

When a gentleman holds a door open, or a waiter says "ma'am" — those small moments still always get me.

I used to revel in being 'Andy the Viking'. The heavy weights. The loaded bar. The quiet performance of strength for anyone who cared to watch... or in other words, showing off. Now I find something I never expected — I actually enjoy the feeling of being the physically weaker sex. Because Andy the Viking has become Andrea the Shield Maiden. Still strong. Still fierce. Just different.

Little things that cis-women might not think twice about bring me real joy. Learning how to walk, talk, react and laugh as myself. Being allowed to cry at a rom-com without explanation. Putting on delicate underwear each morning — something utterly ordinary to most women, yet to me a daily source of feminine comfort and pleasure.

Before Andrea, I used to be terrified of being seen as a trans woman. Stared at, laughed at, challenged. That fear kept me from transitioning far longer than anything else. Now I find real strength in owning my story — who I was and who I am today. I'm proud to be a trans woman. Proud to speak out, to hopefully help others and more often as each day goes by, to have reached a point where I genuinely don't care what the world thinks of me.

All of my life, I dreamed about being a girl, able to wear feminine clothes, walk down the street with a handbag, put on make-up and perfume, sit at a café or bar with my legs crossed and now I do just that.

For those of you out there who might be thinking about transitioning, maybe haven't yet had the courage, or are at an earlier stage in your journey. From my perspective, I have found that the good things outweigh the bad - and by a very big margin.

Dreams can come true, don't be afraid to live them.

I am a D&I consultant, keynote speaker, Mental Health First Aider, writer and transgender woman with 20+ years of senior corporate leadership experience. I work with businesses across all sectors to build genuinely inclusive cultures whilst also supporting transgender individuals and their families through every stage of the journey. If this piece resonated, you can find more articles on andreaking.net  or  book a free discovery call if you'd like to talk.

The views expressed in this article are my own and are based on personal experience and perspective. They are not intended as medical, legal or professional advice.

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Frequently Asked Questions - What do I like and dislike about being a transgender female?

What are the biggest physical challenges after transitioning later in life?

Voice training, facial hair removal through electrolysis, body proportions shaped by decades of testosterone, and skin texture changes remain difficult even after major surgeries.

Why does make-up matter so much after transition?

Make-up helps bridge the gap between internal identity and external appearance, creating feminine definition where hormones and surgery haven't fully reshaped features.

What simple things bring trans women joy after transition?

Small affirmations like "ma'am," shopping for feminine clothes, experimenting with make-up, and ordinary rituals like putting on women's underwear each morning.

How does a sense of strength change after transition?

From "Andy the Viking" lifting heavy weights to "Andrea the Shield Maiden" — still strong and fierce, but now embracing the feeling of being the physically weaker sex.

Does being trans ever feel like a burden?

Some days the word "transgender" feels like a label and constant reminder of a different journey to womanhood, though other days it sits comfortably.

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