The Bias You Don't Know You Have

Your brain makes assumptions about people. It's been doing it your whole life, it's very quick at it and it doesn't ask your permission. Most of the time you'll never even notice. The person on the receiving end sometimes does though.

That's unconscious bias in a nutshell. A judgement you didn't realise you'd made. No purposeful bad intentions.

I know this because I was that person once. I can't pretend that I'm still not — it's just the way we humans are wired, although I do try not to be.

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Paul at school

There was a boy at my school called Paul. This was the early eighties, so the cultural backdrop was what it was — not exactly a golden era for kindness around anything that didn't fit a fairly narrow idea of normal. Paul was softly spoken, effeminate, didn't have many friends and was always in the classes for pupils who needed extra support. He liked dance. He walked, talked and moved through the world in a way that, to a roomful of teenagers with all the wisdom and restraint teenagers are famous for, read as one thing.

We assumed he was gay.

I assumed he was gay too. Nobody sat down and decided this — it just settled over him like a conclusion and once it had, it was used as a reason to make his life difficult. He was bullied. Not by everyone and not always dramatically, but enough. School was not a particularly happy place for Paul.

Here's the thing though. Paul isn't gay. He went on to get married, have children and build a successful career in senior executive management. He's also a chaplain — spiritual, purposeful, clearly someone who found his place in the world. By any measure, he did well.

But those years at school? Based on what I saw and heard, they were hard. Not because of anything Paul was. Because of everything people assumed he was, based on the way he walked into a room.

That's unconscious bias. Not a cartoon villain deciding to make someone's life harder. Just a group of people — kids, in this case, but adults do it too, constantly — running an automatic process and never once stopping to question it. Gay became the assumption. The assumption became the label. The label became justification.

And Paul was straight the whole time.

Which is not, I should say, the point. The point isn't that the assumption was factually wrong. It's that it didn't matter whether it was right or wrong — the harm was identical either way. A gay teenager in that same situation would have deserved exactly the same protection, the same basic decency. Sexuality was never the issue. The unexamined assumption was the issue.

Paul built a good life. I'm glad about that. I don't think about him often, but when this subject comes up he's one of the first people who comes to mind. Which probably tells you something. The bias you don't know you have.

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The landlady conversation

This is the thing about unconscious bias. It doesn't feel like anything when you're doing it. Because you don't know you're doing it — that's literally the whole point. It doesn't need years to do damage. It can do it in a single conversation.

Case in point. When I was recovering from my gender affirming surgery, Mand's and I rented a two-bedroom house for three months. The landlady called round one day to ask if we'd be willing to swap houses temporarily for some incoming tenants. She mentioned the alternative was a one-bedroom property. When I explained that we actually needed two bedrooms because Mand's and I weren't a couple — she was my fiancée before I decided to transtion, but is now my best friend — she said "oh sorry, I just assumed you were lesbians."

Awkward.

She quickly made her apologies and left — along with what had been, until about thirty seconds earlier, a perfectly comfortable atmosphere. The assumption had taken a moment to make and about the same amount of time to cause embarrassment all round. Mandy, who is very much not a lesbian, was left feeling that a stranger had just decided something about her identity without so much as asking. I was left trying to work out what exactly about us had pointed so clearly in that direction.

One assumption. One conversation. Nobody's day was improved by it.

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Can we fix it?

Here's the thing — you probably can't fix it. Not fully. Not in the way a workshop and a certificate suggests you can. Your brain is doing most of this without asking you first and it's been doing it since before you had the vocabulary to describe it. What you can do is notice. Slow down. Ask yourself why you clocked something, why a particular person made you feel a particular way, why your gut went where it went. That's not fixing it. That's just... being honest about it. Which is harder than it sounds, because most people would rather believe they're already one of the good ones.

I am a D&I consultant, keynote speaker, Mental Health First Aider, writer and transgender woman with 20+ years of senior corporate leadership experience. I work with businesses across all sectors to build genuinely inclusive cultures whilst also supporting transgender individuals and their families through every stage of the journey. If this piece resonated, you can find more articles on andreaking.net  or  book a free discovery call if you'd like to talk.

The views expressed in this article are my own and are based on personal experience and perspective. They are not intended as medical, legal or professional advice.

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Additional Supporting Research - The Bias You Don't Know You Have

Unconscious bias is universal and automatic. Research shows our brains use mental shortcuts to categorize people rapidly based on appearance, voice or mannerisms, often without awareness. These snap judgements feel neutral from the inside but frequently lead to unfair treatment for those on the receiving end. This Royal Society Briefing explains further.

Workplace studies confirm the harm. A Sustainability Magazine article states a Deloitte survey found 39% of employees experience unconscious bias monthly, mostly through subtle microaggressions that reduce productivity and morale.

Awareness training has limits but helps. Studies show training increases recognition of bias (especially via tools like the IAT) but doesn't fully eliminate it — structured interventions and blind review processes show more promise for changing behaviour. The key is ongoing vigilance rather than expecting perfection. As shown in this PubMed Central article.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What is unconscious bias?

Quick, automatic judgements about people based on appearance, mannerisms or context that happen without awareness or bad intent.

Does unconscious bias always cause harm?

Not always dramatically, but it creates discomfort, distance and unfair treatment — whether the assumption is right or wrong.

Can unconscious bias affect straight people too?

Yes — Paul was assumed gay and bullied for years based purely on how he walked and talked, despite being straight.

Why does it matter if the assumption is wrong?

The harm comes from the unexamined label itself, not its accuracy — a gay teen would have deserved the same protection.

How quickly can unconscious bias show up?

In seconds — the landlady's assumption about lesbians changed a comfortable conversation into awkwardness instantly.

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