The Dummy: Understanding Transgender Identity Beyond Misconceptions
- Ms Andrea King
- Apr 6
- 5 min read
Updated: May 18
When a Simple Comment Reveals a Deeper Truth.
I made the mistake of telling a friend something personal once. We were talking — the way you do, post-transition over a glass of wine — and I told her that before I transitioned, I used to stop at shop windows and stare at the mannequins. The undressed ones. I know right... Just stare.
She thought that was hilarious.
"You wanted to look like a plastic dummy?" Laughing. Yes, actually laughing.
And I'm sitting there thinking, that is so far from the point I don't even know where to start.
Because it wasn't about the plastic. Obviously. I didn't want to be fibreglass, blank-faced and bolted to a stand in Debenhams. I wanted the shape. The female form. The boobs, the curves, the waist. And yeah — I'll just say it — the fact that where a man has a dick and balls, those mannequins were just... flat. Smooth. Nothing there.
I mean they didn't have lady bits either, lets be clear. (Can a mannequin even be called naked? I've never really worked that one out.) But that flatness. That absence. It used to stop me dead.
The Reality Behind the Misunderstanding
It's impossible to explain to someone who's not trans. And I don't mean that as a dig — I just mean, how would you even begin to get it if you've never felt it.
It's like being left-handed. You don't decide to be left-handed. You don't wake up one day and think, yeah, I fancy writing with this one. You just are. And no amount of explaining will make a right-handed person understand what that actually feels like from the inside, because they've never had to think about it.
So how the hell was my friend supposed to understand why I, a woman who had spent years of her life quietly falling apart in front of shop windows, was telling her this story like it mattered?
It mattered because it hurt.
Transgender Identity Is Not About Imitation
There's this thing people assume about trans people. That we're copying something. Doing an impression. Like we've looked at the gender we know ourselves to be from the outside and thought, yeah, I'll have some of that, and spent our lives doing a tribute act.
It's so wrong I don't even know where to start with it.
This was never about imitation. For any of us. Whether you're a trans woman who spent years grieving a body she didn't have, or a trans man who felt like a stranger in his own skin every single day — none of us are performing anything. We're correcting something. Closing the gap between what we feel on the inside and what exists on the outside. That's it. That's the whole thing.
When I stood at that window it was absolutely aspiration. Of course it was. I wanted that body shape so badly it's hard to even describe. Craved it. Ached for it.
But here's the thing about craving something you can't have — and back then it felt completely, utterly impossible — it doesn't just make you sad. It makes everything heavier.
Every single day.
Not because I was confused. Not because I was being weird about a shop display. But because I knew exactly what I wanted and couldn't see any way of ever having it.
Why Misunderstanding Matters
Because here's what people don't get. Nobody transitions because they enjoy the attention. Nobody walks out of the house hoping some pillock is going to shout "ladyboy" at them across the street. Nobody thinks, yeah, I'll have the staring and the clocking and the whispered comments, cheers, that sounds great.
Almost every trans person I know just wants to pass. To be invisible. To walk through a crowd as their true self and have absolutely nobody give a shit. That's the dream. Not pride floats and manifestos — just, quietly, being a normal person going about their normal life without anyone noticing or caring.
We put ourselves through all of it — the embarrassment, the ridicule, the people who decide they have opinions about this meat sack we're walking around in — because the alternative is worse. Because somewhere inside is a real person who has to come out eventually. Who was always going to come out eventually.
She meant it as a joke. I took it as a reminder of how much work there still is to do.
I am a D&I consultant, keynote speaker, Mental Health First Aider, writer and transgender woman with 20+ years of senior corporate leadership experience. I work with businesses across all sectors to build genuinely inclusive cultures whilst also supporting transgender individuals and their families through every stage of the journey. If this piece resonated, you can find more articles on andreaking.net or book a free discovery call if you'd like to talk.
The views expressed in this article are my own and are based on personal experience and perspective. They are not intended as medical, legal or professional advice.
Suggested further reading - Understanding Transgender Identity Beyond Misconceptions
Dispelling the myths about transgender people. A thoughtful article on why trans identities are often misunderstood and why education matters. https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/dispelling-the-myths-about-transgender-people
Myths That Stigmatize Transgender People. A parent-friendly guide to understanding trans identities. https://www.strongfamilyalliance.org/parent-guides/parent-guide-trans/myths-that-stigmatize-transgender-people/#myth9
Frequently Asked Questions
Why did mannequins matter so much before transition?
Because they were female in form in a way I wasn't. The boobs, the curves, the shape — and crucially, nothing between the legs that shouldn't be there. Just flat. Smooth. Undeniably female. I couldn't look away.
What is transgender identity really about?
Not imitation. Not becoming something fake. It's about closing the gap between who you are on the inside and what exists on the outside. That's it. The whole thing..
Why do casual comments about trans experiences matter?
Because "it's just a joke" is a flaming joke in itself. You can cause real upset without meaning to. Even if the person on the receiving end has probably already heard it a thousand times before.
How do transgender people discover their identity?
It's different for everyone. For most of us, like me, it wasn't a case of waking up one day and thinking "hey, I wanna be a girl." It's just something you know from as early as you can remember.
For others, they know something isn't right but can't quite put their finger on it — and it causes real problems, with relationships, with life in general — and it's only when they speak to a counsellor or therapist that it finally clicks into place.
What's the difference between misunderstanding and malice?
Honestly? In terms of how it feels, sometimes not much. Intent matters, but so does impact. You can hurt someone without meaning to. Understanding that is the whole point.
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