Pick Her First - A Moving Reminder That Small Acts Matter
- Ms Andrea King
- May 19
- 4 min read
I watched a short video recently. A guy talking about his school days — Gym class, basketball, the whole ritual humiliation of picking teams. You know the one. Two kids get chosen as captains and then it begins. The slow, crushing countdown of who matters and who doesn't.
And there's a girl, sitting at the back. Quiet. Heavyset. Not into sports. The one who already knows she's going to be last because she's always last. That's just her spot in the social ecosystem. Last pick. Every time. She's made her peace with it.
Except this day, she isn't last.
This day, the lad doing the picking — first pick, his to make, all eyes on him — points at her.
And she looks at him super surprised. “Me?” and yeah, he's sure, he’s not taking the proverbial. So she gets up, stands by him and then whispers in his ear “are you sure?” "Absolutely" he says. And then he does it again. And again. Picks all the kids nobody picks. The usual rejects, the overlooked, the quietly devastated. That team. His team.
He said that gym session was so much fun. No pressure on anyone, just passing the ball. Fun.
The Memory
Fast forward a number of years, four to be exact. Graduation day. The noise and the chaos and the relief of it all finally being over. And she finds him in the crowd, grabs his arm.
“Do you remember in 9th grade when you picked me first?”
He said “yes I do.” He remembered.
“It was the only time during all of school I was picked first.” she replied
The only time. Not just that year. Not just in PE. In all of school. Every team, every group, every moment where some kid got to feel wanted and chosen — she was last for all of it. Except once. That one afternoon when a boy she barely knew pointed at her and said yeah, you, come on.
He said that moment hit him hard. It changed how he treated people for the rest of his life.
“Be kind to people, be aware of those around you. It takes so little. Just include them”
It's a lovely story. Genuinely. And his takeaway was simple: just be kind to people. Which is absolutely the right way to think. Straightforward. Correct. End of article, everyone go home.
Except
Except days later the video is still in my mind. I keep thinking about the girl carrying that one moment across years of school. Carrying it all the way to graduation. The fact that she remembered it so precisely — 9th grade, basketball, first pick — tells you everything about what it meant. People don't remember the ordinary days. They remember the ones that broke the pattern. The ones where someone looked at them and saw them differently to how everyone else did.
She held onto that afternoon for years.
One decision, one act of kindness. That's all it took.
And then I think about us.
Inclusion
That story — the gym, the girl, the one afternoon — I watched it and immediately thought about every queer person I know. Because we are that girl. Most of us have been that girl in ways that go well beyond PE.
Not just last pick. Not even on the list. You get used to it is the thing. Which sounds sad when you say it out loud but it's just what happens. You get used to it and you get on with it and you tell yourself it doesn't bother you anymore and that's almost true.
And then one day someone just includes you. Casually. Without thinking. Costs them nothing. No big deal.
It's a big deal.
So what does it actually look like? Being picked first, for us.
It looks like someone saying "your partner" without thinking twice about it.
It looks like an invite that already has both your names on it.
It looks like your name said correctly in a room you're not in. Yep, you’ve left the room or not even entered it that day and people are still calling you by the correct pronouns or name. Which sounds like a low bar. It is a low bar. You'd be amazed how many people can't clear it.
It looks like just being a person in a room without your sexuality being anyone's business. You’re simply included.
None of this is a big thing. That's almost the point. It's just someone who treated you like you were already supposed to be there.
The girl remembered one afternoon for years.
We do that too.
For sure, we do that too.
I am a D&I consultant, keynote speaker, Mental Health First Aider, writer and transgender woman with 20+ years of senior corporate leadership experience. I work with businesses across all sectors to build genuinely inclusive cultures whilst also supporting transgender individuals and their families through every stage of the journey. If this piece resonated, you can find more articles on andreaking.net or book a free discovery call if you'd like to talk.
The views expressed in this article are my own and are based on personal experience and perspective. They are not intended as medical, legal or professional advice.
Further Reading - Pick Her First - A moving reminder that small acts matter
For more context on the importance of building safe, inclusive environments, read about the Power of Inclusive Spaces or explore Bystander Intervention Training to see how small daily actions reset community expectations.
The Trevor Project: Their dedicated "Allyship in Action" resource focuses heavily on active, everyday support for queer and questioning youth, outlining the intersection of validation, mental health, and social action. Read the full framework via The Trevor Project Allyship in Action Guide.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is “Pick Her First” about?
It is about the impact of inclusion, kindness and what it means to be chosen when you are usually overlooked.
Why does the story matter?
Because one small act of kindness can stay with someone for years and change how they feel about themselves.
What does being “picked first” mean in this post?
It means being included, noticed and treated as if you belong without having to ask for it.
Why is this relevant to queer people?
Because many queer people know what it feels like to be left out, overlooked or only included conditionally.
What is the main message?
That small acts of inclusion matter more than they may seem at the time.
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